mindless & inconclusive

school is reopening soon. and i am experiencing the withdrawal syndromes...
work is not too bad at all. the environment is quite good actually.

right, there shldnt be anythin to be sad about right?
:)

met up wif many grps of friends this festive season. many of which are attached/ gettin married... i wonder what'w wif me that i havnt met the one i can even stick wif for a while.
i guess the prob is probably me. why do attached friends get so absorbed and disappear?

i waver between hasty thots of gettin attached nonetheless to beseemingly nice individuals and eager thots of widening/moving on to know more new people, exploring fresh alternatives...

hdb, payin up for flats, accounting. focusin. settlin down? all these are nice thots. however, shld not be visited when i am not ready. yet, the idea and prerequitistes of being 'ready' is jus so strange and hard to handle.

i am jus tired of working and thinking about it.
i am jus too afraid of humans. humans that could make me die slowly and painfully.

tired of working hard for happiness?
do i assume that not having someone constitutes happiness?
having the wrong someone definitely bloom tragedy.
believe that finding someone and being together breeds joy!
realistically accepting that this piece of joy requires hard work.
what else is wrong with my thots/brain?!
(its gettin too heavy here)

on a happier note, i am comforted by the logic that there is only one in a million.
logic has it that we will collide with 99999 others.
guarded by a strange force, probably cowardice/rigidity/intolerance/hopelessness,
i refuse and hate wasting my time to meet the rest.

no one is patient enough to convince me.
1 of the 99999 might manage to deceive me.
1 of the million that should be right for me might convince the wrong person.
2 less than perfect unions might happen.
2 sets of people have to learn to work towards God's perfect plan.

the one person i meet can only be god-sent.
i can only continue wif my life now...
positioning myself to meet any other potentials at mysterious spots?
keen on being manipulative to get hitched?
planning for the future?
hanging for the moment.
missing the boat.

am i jus so difficult to be discovered?
or am i jus too dumb to discover.